The
day had dawned innocently enough with a bright, beautiful, cloudless, blue sky.
A period of tranquility and peace had existed for some time now, but it was an
uneasy peace. The Apple King as he was colloquially known, had been quietly
content to spin his bizarre machinations in his seedy, twisted mind. He was
rotten to the core slowly twisting his knurled roots into iron like knots.
A
changing of the guard was underway when the first volley arched across the sky
from the direction of his kingdom. Enormous apples came crashing down on the
walls of the castle breaking the masonry in their path. This Sorcerer King had
through the use of spells and potions poisoned the water feeding his enormous
apple orchards so that they could anthropomorphically pull up root and walk
across the land in enormous strides, intent on destruction, as a result of the
hateful propaganda that they had been infused with, replacing their water
supply with hard cider and making them particularly ornery when they were
denied their cocktails.
Now
they came dragging their imagined grievances along, intent on revenge, though
for what reason they did not know. In mass the arboreal army of giants, came
tearing up the green hills and pastures in their quest to destroy the kingdom
and all who resided therein, like a row of plows tilling the earth. The smell
of the raw earth combined with the revolting scent of apple cider vinegar
permeated the nostrils. As they moved their huge limbs used the dexterity of
their branches to pick the rotten apples from each other’s bows and hurl them
at the unassuming innocents in the castle. Screams of panic could be heard from
within the crumbling walls as bones snapped like dried twigs and bodies were
buried under the rubble. Scared civilians ran through the streets searching for
shelter as waterfalls of applesauce rolled down the walls and washed through
the streets like lava escaping the wrath of a volcano…
The
shell of a hazel nut hit my nose followed by a second, as the squirrel in the
tree above me calmly ate his breakfast on a quiet peaceful morning. I had slept
the night away at the foot of a giant apple tree outside the medieval castle.
My friends had indeed warned me as to the powerful effects of Angry Apple Cider,
but I had dismissed them as an exaggeration. My head pounded incessantly and I
would not make this mistake again. Plain apple juice would quench my thirst in
the future.
Jim
May 2021
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