The Emperor’s New Clothes

On my most recent
expedition to the forgotten seventh continent Antarctica I made a serious
effort to study the language of and understand the Emperor Penguins. During one
of these extended observations while I was concentrating on the penguins, I let
my guard down. Momentarily, I felt that I was being watched and looked up to
see an enormous bull elephant seal staring intently at me. The leviathan was
not threatening or aggressive but merely observing me as I had observed the penguins.
How the enormous creature had gotten so close to me I did not know and he could
have easily overpowered and killed me if he so desired. Suddenly he lifted one
of his brownish grey flippers over his head and bringing it down he pointed it
directly at me. Almost immediately the conversation between the two male
penguins before me became intelligible as if they were speaking English! As
quickly as he had arrived the massively corpulent beast slipped away
disappearing into the blinding white landscape as the two oblivious Emperors
continued their discussion unaffected by this occurrence. What follows are my memories
of the conversation that occurred….
PENGUIN – ENGLISH
@&#%!/
- “ Hey Herbie how is it going?”
asked Jack.
@&#%!/. - “I’m
just really getting cold sitting on this egg for a month now, freezing my tail
off, I wish Julie would come back!” said Herbie.
@&#%!/.
- “Oh come now it’s not that bad.” said Jack.
@&#%!/
- “ With a name like Emperor Penguins
you would expect less rustic living arrangements, something regal and
aristocratic, with a certain air of pomp
and circumstance. Mother Nature has certainly given us a raw deal,” said Herbie.
@&#%!/. - “You
need to toughen up old boy,” reiterated Jack.
@&#%!/.
- “It is like
spending rush hour stuffed in a refrigerated box car with icy cold wind whipping snow around, stranded in the
middle of nowhere, with nothing to eat.I wish I were a FLAMINGO! With their
long stick legs, they are always warm and comfortable, with no need for heavy
coats, walking around in a virtual Sushi buffet all day long! What a life! They
even look stylish with their fluorescent pink feathers; tall and statuesque I
can’t even get a suit that fits properly with my short stubby legs,” said Herbie.
@&#%!/.
- “Yes, that is true but there
are no alligators, crocodiles or Florida panthers here to eat you, do not forget
that!” said Jack.
@&#%!/ .
- “Ok ok ,good point the swamp
is always greener I get it, I get it!” said Herbie.
@&#%!/
- “That is my point “said Jack.
@&#%!/.
- “Could you watch both of our
eggs for a little while? I want to go over to the research station and steal an
old sweater or something to stay warm, “said Herbie.
Jack was agreeable and straddled both eggs in his friend’s
absence. Herbie did find an old sweater in the trash, which after his return the
two birds shared to help stay warm. When Julie and Doris got back with fish to
regurgitate the hungry chicks had just cracked out of their shells. The boys
gave their mates the sweater as an early anniversary present, then went off to
take their turn, hunting for food. Some of these less believable findings were
left out of my research notes.
Jim
May 2022