A Frosty Conversation

 

The Emperor’s New Clothes

 

On my most recent expedition to the forgotten seventh continent Antarctica I made a serious effort to study the language of and understand the Emperor Penguins. During one of these extended observations while I was concentrating on the penguins, I let my guard down. Momentarily, I felt that I was being watched and looked up to see an enormous bull elephant seal staring intently at me. The leviathan was not threatening or aggressive but merely observing me as I had observed the penguins. How the enormous creature had gotten so close to me I did not know and he could have easily overpowered and killed me if he so desired. Suddenly he lifted one of his brownish grey flippers over his head and bringing it down he pointed it directly at me. Almost immediately the conversation between the two male penguins before me became intelligible as if they were speaking English! As quickly as he had arrived the massively corpulent beast slipped away disappearing into the blinding white landscape as the two oblivious Emperors continued their discussion unaffected by this occurrence. What follows are my memories of the conversation that occurred….

 

PENGUIN – ENGLISH

 

@&#%!/   -   “ Hey Herbie how is it going?” asked Jack.

@&#%!/.  -   “I’m just really getting cold sitting on this egg for a month now, freezing my tail off, I wish Julie would come back!” said Herbie.

 

@&#%!/.  -   “Oh come now it’s not that bad.” said Jack.

 

@&#%!/   -   “ With a name like Emperor Penguins you would expect less rustic living arrangements, something regal and aristocratic, with a certain  air of pomp and circumstance. Mother Nature has certainly given us a raw deal,” said Herbie.

 

@&#%!/.   -   “You need to toughen up old boy,” reiterated Jack.

 

@&#%!/.  -    “It is like spending rush hour stuffed in a refrigerated box car with icy cold  wind whipping snow around, stranded in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to eat.I wish I were a FLAMINGO! With their long stick legs, they are always warm and comfortable, with no need for heavy coats, walking around in a virtual Sushi buffet all day long! What a life! They even look stylish with their fluorescent pink feathers; tall and statuesque I can’t even get a suit that fits properly with my short stubby legs,” said Herbie.

 

@&#%!/.  -   “Yes, that is true but there are no alligators, crocodiles or Florida panthers here to eat you, do not forget that!” said Jack.

 

@&#%!/ .  -   “Ok ok ,good point the swamp is always greener I get it, I get it!” said Herbie.

 

@&#%!/    -   “That is my point “said Jack.

 

@&#%!/.  -    “Could you watch both of our eggs for a little while? I want to go over to the research station and steal an old sweater or something to stay warm, “said Herbie.

 

Jack was agreeable and straddled both eggs in his friend’s absence. Herbie did find an old sweater in the trash, which after his return the two birds shared to help stay warm. When Julie and Doris got back with fish to regurgitate the hungry chicks had just cracked out of their shells. The boys gave their mates the sweater as an early anniversary present, then went off to take their turn, hunting for food. Some of these less believable findings were left out of my research notes.

 

Jim

May 2022