Nutcracker

 

The extremely upset little old man and woman were tugging at my clothes as if in some way this process would somehow elevate me back to a standing position and restore their cardboard box displays filled with Christmas paper, bows, ribbons and other assorted Christmas decorations to their original condition which had broken my fall as I collapsed on the boxes and their contents. Like a scene from Gulliver’s Travels these tiny very upset people, speaking in a foreign tongue, were desperately trying to move me out of the main path through the store for their potential customers to move about while at the same time attempting to rouse me and elevate me to a standing position. A stream of people carefully hiked around my limbs with their wet winter boots and umbrellas coming precariously close to me as I moaned in pain.

There was a four-foot-tall ancient plastic Santa Claus at the entrance to the store that greeted new customers as they came in and his paint was all faded and disappearing. His left arm stood frozen waiving to the customers. His upper torso turned at the waist about 180° left to right and back again. In his right hand he had originally carried a bell which rang as he moved the right arm up and down to simulate the ringing of the bell , however the bell was now missing and Santa who had been designed with the torque to lift that bell, and was now unfettered by its weight possessed a swift right upper cut which I had unfortunately encountered in the nether regions as Santa made his swift left turn. Any skilled lumberjack with a sharp ax can fell the largest of trees with a number of well-placed chops and Santa that formerly jolly old elf had brought me down with only one. Instead of a jolly smile Santa now seemed to possess an evil grin as he sadistically looked at me briefly over his shoulder when I came into view on each revolution. For a good fifteen minutes I could have sung Christmas Carols with the Vienna Boys Choir and hit the highest pitched notes with little difficulty. Eventually a Good Samaritan helped me up and I hobbled away down 37^th avenue to look for less dangerous stores to continue my Christmas shopping experience in, while keeping a close lookout for evil plastic Santas who might wish to waylay me. The store owners waved to me as I moved away, saying something in their native tongue which probably did not translate to “Come Again Soon!”                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Jim -Nov 23’