The Daily Scripturient

 

You want it?
We've got it!

Trinkets, Baubles, Tchotchkes,
Moldy Books,
Old Wrapping Paper, Dead Batteries,
Expired Lunch Meats.

Birdie says:
"Cheap, Cheap, Cheap!"


See us Monday-Saturday at Birdie's!

**************************************
Birdies Super Crap Emporium
23-40 Review Avenue, L.I.C.

**************************************

From:  

Richard Melnick,

10-31-2020.

 

A country cowboy amidst all this concrete.

A sentimental surfer, in search of his wave.

A writer, a word count, yet so much to say

Don’t be shy, say hi.

#theclichéjackofalltrades

 

I’m meat and potatoes, love Shake ‘N Bake

searching a mate to make my heart quake

Craving adventure, just not at the table

Let’s lick our chops, visit a stable.

#sonotavegetarian

 

WANTED

Wanted Ghost hunters, 

Must be brave in the face of flying dishes, disembodied voices, and terrifying shadow people.  

We have burned sage and prayed, and nothing is working, must be able to communicate with the unknown. Call 666-666-6666

#GP

 

WANTED

Someone to cook, clean house, do laundry, iron, grocery shop, pay bills, make phone calls, do research for everything, schedule appointments, go to doctors, wash dishes, paint and fix things around the house, make returns, be responsible for any and all things at all times until you drop dead. 

I don’t have money to pay you for all of this of course but it would be greatly appreciated anyway because I just don’t want to it anymore and want to get on with the rest of my life like enjoying it once and for all.

Call ASAP to just plain old sick and tired of it, plum tuckered out, before I get any older please. My hair is falling out every day from stress as it is while I place this ad. Gray hairs everywhere. What a mess! Please don’t let me go bald before my time. I am only middle aged. And I don’t need the added expense for Rogaine or to have to buy wigs that would require more endless hours of research and maintenance.

Thanks to all of you out there know who know exactly what the hell I am talking about!

Someone, save me please!

#DVB

 

WANTED

CHORUS LOOKING FOR A NEW MEMBER.

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!

THE GROUP MAY APPEAR VERY RUSTIC AND HAIRY AS WE DERIVE OUR INSPIRATION FROM SINGING TO THE FULL MOON. 

NAME: THE LYCANTROPIC SOCIETY

LOCATION: FOREST PARK BANDSHELL

TIME: 12:00 A.M.

DATE: OCTOBER 31^st FULL MOON

(Free membership, no initiation fee!)

#BigJimHyde