JAMA ISSUE
AUG 1, 2522
OVERVIEW OF PROPER CRANIAL TRANSPLANT PROCEDURES
With the advent of human brain transplants in the second half of the twenty third century into automatonic housings, and all the issues that resulted from these new innovative procedures, the procedure became untenable. The difficulty of completing all of the necessary connections in a timely manner resulted in many organ deaths within hours. As we subsequently transitioned to the more seamless procedure of complete head transplants, the majority of our difficulties evaporated. Now, after completing tens of thousands of these procedures during the last 200 years it is become a routine procedure with many patients planning for the operation after their 150th birthday, when they reach full retirement age. When a transplant patient runs their first marathon in competitive time, mimicking to what they were capable of on their 19th birthday it is a transformative and emotional event. Lately, it has come to my attention that a lackadaisical, Laissez-faire attitude has developed in the surgical community in reference to this procedure, not unlike slapping a pumpkin head onto a scarecrow! As a result, survival rates and length of resilience of the housings have plummeted. These units are designed to last at least one Millennium not the 200 to 300 years that we’re currently experiencing. Let us review now what you learned back in medical school to make sure that we do the best for our patients. We are better than this and if we wish to live up to our Hippocratic Oath we must do better.
1.
Follow full body scan procedures.
2.
Personally review entire patient history from
conception.
3.
Carefully check surgical severance angles to
make sure that the housing matches those of the head. (Particularly in the
spinal cord and circulatory system)
4.
Follow all anti-rejection protocols.
5.
Finally, and most importantly be personable and
kind to your patients they are not your next trip to the Caribbean or your
cruise to Alaska or a spontaneous jaunt out to one of the moon colonies. They
are people just like you with all of the emotions, desires and hopes that you
have. In conclusion we do not want these new bodies failing after as little as
200 years when they are easily capable of lasting a millennium. I want to see
thousand-year-old athletes sprinting 100-yard dashes in under 10 seconds on
their thousandth birthday as we Methuselize the population. Now let’s do
better.
Dr.Vladimir Yozif
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